Trigger Warning: Some content may be distressing. Please take care.
The female brain is a remarkable thing, growing, then pruning, refining, and growing again, going through the same process, over and over, at specific times in our lives. As we learn and move through the various stages of life it moves with us, guiding our actions, reactions and fulfilling its role as the Director.
The 7-Year Cycles of Change
The crucial times in our lives, when we undergo the most pruning and building are set in cycles. According to Traditional Chinese Medicine this is every 7 years, specifically during the hormonal shifts and changes of early childhood, pre-adolescence, adolescence, through fertility, pregnancy, and then on through peri-menopause, menopause and into post-menopause. Having a brain that is working harmoniously throughout these cycles is just as important to a smooth hormonal journey as your environment, genetics and lifestyle factors are.
When Harmony is Disrupted
So, what if this harmony is disrupted somehow, what if you experience trauma, a life changing event in your early years, or even in your latter years, that alters every fibre of your being. What if critical parts of your brain go askew, glitching like a fading avatar on a computer screen - causing electrical chaos in your neuronal pathways, and dysfunction in your limbic system, activating the most primitive of responses to turn on and never turn off.
Understanding Trauma
Trauma can be a very subjective thing, what one person perceives as trauma another might see as trivial. Traumas can be anything - from gaslighting or bullying in childhood, to a fright from a scary looking clown, a crippling fear of spiders or a perpetual state of not having the basic needs of life met. Trauma can essentially be anything that makes you feel unsafe. These traumas often bury themselves deep into the subconscious, causing ripples of anxiety and irrational responses for which you can't seem to pinpoint the trigger for.
The Deep Wounds
And then there are the big ones, such as overwhelming grief and loss. And the ones that are often hidden due to the weight of the event and the emotions attached to them - shame, fear, blame - these traumas are like rivers of memory carving scars into the brain. They create reactive, sensitive pathways of electrical pulses, repeatedly lighting up in sequential flow, no matter how much you try to turn them off, to forget, they are always there.
in this place she is lost, out of her depth she tries to please, to adapt, to fit in... but she shouldn't be here, she is too young to be here, and now they are going to teach her a lesson - they grip her wrists - Please, she cries, Please help me - but there will be no help, no moment of clarity, no mature adult in the room. And in that moment her psyche and soul shatters, breaking into fragments that embed themselves into the walls, the ceiling, the floor, ensuring that parts of her will always remain there, never able to leave, never able to forget, always broken
Trauma and Hormonal Journeys
These traumas, the big ones, the ones that can make or break us, can alter the brain in a way that directly affects our hormones and therefore the hormonal journey. Madhya calls for change, its very essence is change. It is the most confronting time, as the brain begins to prune and refine, making space for what is to come, and removing all that is no longer needed. It is a time when these deep wounds can rise to the surface, calling for healing and release.
the blows come heavy and hard, she has come to expect this, always on guard - she falls to the floor, trying to shield herself, looking into his eyes she see nothing but blackness, an animal, the human in him has left the building - she cries out as something heavy falls against her head, she feels pressure against her face - suddenly he steps away, coming out if his rage - she sees her moment, running to the neighbour, "Please Help", they look at her in horror, she doesn't realise the extent of her wounds - despite the shock she feels a tiny bubble of hope, help is coming, it is over, it is done
The Road to Freedom
The road to freedom can be a hard one, a long one, one that requires an immense amount of work and time, stumbling and tripping, beginning again and again, until one day freedom is simply a way of life, no longer a road on which to travel to get there. But it is a necessary road because freedom is not just a movement away from a person, a situation or even a feeling, it is an energy that allows the body, mind and spirit to heal and function perfectly, in all its glory. It is an energy that allows you too thrive and grow, and it is an energy that allows space for forgiveness, for grace... and for acceptance.
Why She Rises
It is no coincidence that a woman going through Menopause, who has buried her pain, and submitted and allowed life to happen to her suddenly rises - becoming angry, bitter, no longer compliant, and available. This is, by its very nature, exactly what needs to happen to ensure a smooth transition into the next phase of life. A letting go of all that has kept her still.
Unresolved Trauma and its Effects
Like an untreated wound, unresolved traumas can fester, becoming infections that spread to every part of the body and mind, manifesting in ways that can cause great harm, limiting you and causing illness and pain.
The Healing Process
Through giving ourselves nourishment and love, and opening ourselves up to accepting support, the pathway to healing begins. Slowly over time the jolts of the electrical charge of difficult memories can fade. The deep grooves in the brain begin to fill with positive thoughts and techniques to bring the fractured self back together. Helping to move us forward without the weight of the past, but with the experience and wisdom of all that has been written into the story of one's life.
Embracing the New You
Menopause is a time of releasing a version of yourself, one that might have had to carry others, nurturing and protecting, or one that made excuses for and acquiesced to others, a version of yourself that was always on, in fight or flight mode, running on adrenaline, always putting others before yourself.
A version of yourself created out of the sum parts of your past, of your childhood, of your relationships and traumas. It is a time of releasing the person you had to be to survive, and it is an invitation to embracing your time to shine.
Rebecca X
Footnote:
In this blog I have mentioned traumatic events that may be triggering. At any time, it is not OK to look away. We are not the judge, jury and executioner of another's experience, it is never OK to blame, shame or dismiss another person's pain or perspective.
I am a strong advocate for talk therapy, a problem shared is a problem halved. A qualified and experienced psychologist or counsellor is worth their weight in gold. I highly recommend seeking one out if you feel the need to talk, or ask your GP for a referral.
If you, or someone you know is in danger or needs help then please reach out to someone you trust, or phone 111 (NZ), it is OK to be afraid, but help is out there.
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" Lao Tzu
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